iLOL
by coiwy1
Summary: Inspired by WhiteKnightro's 'iWTF' and Charlie Merrit's 'iFML' - apologies to both, in case of failure on my part. iOMG was a major step for Sam and Freddie's relationship, but when viewed through Gibby's eyes, the whole thing can get a little... skewed.
1. Chapter 1

You are Charles Cornelius Gibson, and you are, for all intents and purposes, just one of the crowd.

As usual, it is the two at the table who hold all the focus. Your peers and co-workers, yes. Your friends, possibly. Defining 'friends' has never been a main concern of yours, and you tend to assume that anyone willing to spend extended periods of time with you could qualify. Recently, though, you've been wondering how true that is. Ever since the 'Nora incident', you've found yourself spending more time with the iCarly group - enough to be classed as a regular on the show - and, it seems, they are pleased to have you. Mostly.

Because of course there's always... her. The blonde-headed demon, the terror of Ridgeway, the girl who's broken bones you didn't know you had (although frankly, given how much you know of the body, this isn't an incredible achievement). Sam Puckett is, and always has been, brash and violent toward you if you dared so much as breathe near her, and as far as you can tell she hasn't changed her opinion of you to the extent that her fellow hosts have. Even now you're trying to appear equally supportive toward both combatants, because you know who's going to win and you don't want to get on her bad side. It's the unspoken rule: Sam Puckett does not lose. Although now you come to think of it, Sam does tend to mention it when riled up, but it's certainly unspoken by you. That still counts, doesn't it? For now, however, she is calm, cocky, even bored, as she sinks into her chair and waits for her opponent to join her. Her sing-song voice rings out as she waits, which seems both in-character but also strangely unlike her. You expected more of a brusque jab than anything else. Still, it's sufficiently Sam-like that everyone takes it in their stride.

Her partner in combat is different today as well. Gone is the nervous, scurrying boy who flinched at every glance, the obsessive nerd who loved his technology almost as much as his crush (although that was debatable). Sure, he is still a nerd, but only on the inside - his body had matured and he had matured with it. Now he can stand in the full force of the death-glare and feel nothing, instead playng to the crowd as he rolls up his sleeves and shows off his biceps, eliciting small sounds of surprise and admiration from his gathered audience. He stretches almost mockingly as the blonde watches him, her eyes dull as she waits. Eventually the order "Sit down, boy!" is snapped at him and he takes the hint, reluctantly releasing the hold he has on the room. As he sits opposite her, the third member of the group moves to the table as well.

The third member being the eponymous Carly. Of the three you've always held her to be the nice one, and you are sure that no-one would disagree. She always falls into the role of mediator between her two warring friends, and today's fight is no different as she clasps their locked hands in hers. You find yourself impressed by the unique power she holds over the wrath that is Sam Puckett, even in somethng as simple as armwrestling. Had you taken her place, you have no doubt that Sam would have ignored you and started when she was ready, possibly after throwing a punch at you for standing too near, but as it is she is waiting for Carly's signal before making her move. The angry blue eyes are poised, ready for action as they search for a signal. Freddie, meanwhile, seems more focused on the job at hand. You find yourself willing him to win, even though you know it could never happen. Yes, his arm is thicker, more muscular, while Sam's is still as thin as it had always been, but you know the strength that lies behind it as well as he does, having been on the receiving end more times than you care to remember.

Carly releases her friends on each other and steps back, and in a moment it's over and Sam has won. Of course. As much as you would relish Sam's loss, you know that you will never see it happen. Still, Freddie has scored a small victory in having bested his own record against her, and he seems pleased enough. You didn't notice how he held on slghtly too long, how he looked back at his rival in search of a compliment, some encouragement, anything. You're Gibby, and it passes you by as you're caught up in the celebration. You remain behind as the crowd dissipates and share a celebratory fist-bump with him as she gives a deadpan congratulations. She seems almost disappointed by the outcome, but you think nothing of it - after all, any victory for him is a loss for her.

Besides, you've noticed who just walked into the room and you're hoping for first dibs on the fudge.


	2. Chapter 2

You are Charles 'Gibby' Gibson and you are on a cow.

You don't know why everyone was so down on the parody during rehersals, but Carly seemed pleased with the idea and you didn't want to pass up the opportunity for more airtime - even with a regular appearance on each episode, it's always good to get a little more. It was weird seeing Freddie and Sam agreeing on something (they'd both protested the skit in their own way, but Carly had won them over), but on the other hand it's become more common in recent weeks and you're getting used to it. After all, Sam _is _a teenaged girl... probably... and Freddie _is_ a teenaged boy. And they are, as Sam had pointed out once, 'above average looking teenagers with 'those' feelings". It's only natural that they'd mellow out eventually, even with their still-frequent spats. You briefly wonder how interested in you the fans would have been if you'd made it to Webicon that year, but of course your grandpa just _had _to have that soup...

Ah. Here comes trouble - Sam is acting out of character again. Complimenting the new kid, and not just for his fudge - that's a sign right there. On the other hand, you've got more important things to worry about, because there's something in this tuna salad ball you can't quite put your finger on. Whatever it is, it really adds to the experience. Some kind of... you're so close but you just can't get it. Dozens of ideas flash through your mind but- Woah, woah, back up that conversation over there. There's definately something up with Sam today - she's actually letting the guys talk about technology. And now Carly's getting curious, which is always a bad sign. Her heart may be in the right place, but that doesn't mean she's as helpful as she thinks she is.  
>"Did you use chopped celery in this?" Brad's attention is diverted just long enough and Sam loses interest, which reassures Carly and keeps things from going further. Nice. And now you know it's red onion (which, thinking about it, seems obvious), you're gonna add this thing to your diet. Ok then - you've got yourself a new favourite food, iCarly's new intern is great, and everything is dyno-<br>"Hey! Can I work with you guys on your project?" Ah.

Of course they're confused: as far as you know Sam has never willingly done work of any kind, and now she's offering to help with something she would usually pass off as 'nerdy'. You turn just in time to see the look on Freddie's face - confusion, intrigue, a hint of what could almost be fear. Brad, on the other hand, hasn't picked up on it. Of course not, he barely knows the girl. The girl in question, meanwhile, still has her back to you, but, even as you wonder if you're reading too much into things, you realise she holds herself differently from the Sam you're used to. It's nothing major, but she's leaning forward just a little more than usual, and she isn't even looking at Carly. As far as you can tell she's keeping her eyes on the guys. Freddie makes a point of squeezing her shoulder, not entirely as a joke. And Sam... still nothing. No jabs, no taunts, no slaps. Very un-Sam of her. You haven't seen her behave this way in years, and _that _was because... ooh. Jonah.

Before you know it you're left alone in the studio with Carly and you have no idea what to do. She's trying to make herself busy, you can tell, moving things around and then moving them right back again. You pretend you're still focused on the tuna salad, which isn't hard because _damn _it's good. But you keep your eyes on Carly and you can see her brain working with every flash you get of her face. It doesn't seem to have clicked with her yet, but it's only a matter of time before it comes clear. After all, she's Sam's best friend, she must recognise the pattern... Or must she? Carly has never been a victim of Sam's abuse, so she wouldn't notice - can't notice - when it lessens. As far as she knows Sam's acting the same way to everyone as she always has, but you've noticed the lull. It's a sign of a Sam distracted, and you remember when it's happened before. And that did _not_go well...

Ah well. You can think about that when you're done with this tuna salad, because that's gonna need a lot of work.


	3. Chapter 3

You are Gibby Gibson and there is no way you're falling asleep tonight.

Sure, Sam may not be herself at the moment, but you're still not trusting her to leave you alone. You couldn't help noticing the black marker sticking out of her back pocket earlier and you know she won't hesitate to use it if the opportunity presents itself. Even if she is on the other side of the school. That's why you're hopped up on caffeine pills, and have alarms set for every hour. She is not catching you sleeping this year - not after last time. You know there are still pictures of you floating around on the internet – even your great-aunt Patty sent you a link to one a few months after the last lock-in, along with the comment 'That girl knows what she's drawing'. You'd only just managed to fully wash... _it _off your head, and then something like _that _pops up in your inbox... Did she really have to CC in her entire contacts list?

Carly doesn't seem to be handling things very well so far. You've spent more time with her since the last iCarly, because Sam has been spending her free time with Freddie and Brad, and you didn't want her to be alone with something like this hanging over her. Besides, you've been planning your science project together. Well, Carly's been planning your science project. Well, she's been planning something she _calls _a science project. She hasn't told you everything she wants to do over the course of the evening, but the words 'controlled sensory stimulus chamber', 'Spencer' and 'stink tube' all seemed to feature prominently in her explanation. You've spent a while wondering if the government have finally perfected body-swapping technology and are using her and Sam as their test dummies, before realising that it was ridiculous. They wouldn't test something so dangerous on an internet celebrity... initially.

The next hour and a half passes in a whirlwind of annoying Radio Dingo music and disturbing photographs. You think you could identify most of the mutilated animal corpses that Carly flashed up at Spencer, but at least one of them, from what you could see of it, seems to be some kind of monstrous hybrid, and from the way Spencer tried to claw his eyes out, you didn't think he'd be forgetting about it any time soon. The oozing pus alone was enough to put you off your mid-experiment snacks, although Carly seemed happy to chew on a Fat Cake. Strange... you have to wonder if the body-swap is such a crazy idea after all.

Now things are getting interesting, though, because Freddie's arrived and he's panicked. Desperate. A glance out the door assures you that Sam isn't on a roaring rampage of revenge for any reason, but that means that you have no idea what's got Freddie so worried, and he's dragged Carly away for a more private conversation. You keep your ears open as you pretend to adjust the stink hose. You're not sure what went into the stink itself, but from the ingredients you brought and the look on Spencer's face, it's certainly nothing pleasant.

Carly and Freddie try to keep quiet, but you hear Carly's excited "In love? With Brad?" nonetheless. It seems your hunch was right, then. The trouble now will be keeping Carly from interfering and trying to push them together. She'd never quite cottoned on to the fact that trying to force two people into a relationship rarely helped matters. The first thing you can think to do is to twist the stink valve as far as it will go.  
>"Hey Carly, check this out! I turned the stink up to eleven!" She nods to you but she won't be deterred now she's got an answer to what's wrong with Sam. Even Spencer collapsing and writhing on the floor doesn't distract her, and before you know it she's running out the door shouting for Sam, leaving you alone with Freddie and the now fainted Spencer. The boy doesn't seem happy, but he ignores your attempts to talk to him and walks out in his own little world. Huh. Some people.<p>

Freddie is a lot more bothered by things than you would have expected. He seemed as excited as Carly until she left, and you noticed a definite drop in his expression before he leaves. Again, you're reminded of Sam's infatuation with Jonah. Of course. After all, Freddie and Sam have never got on well. Sam takes every oppotunity to mock Freddie's inability to hold down a girlfriend, and it was only natural that he would prefer her in a similar situation. And had this been last year, you would've been satisfied with this explanation. But now... well, that wasn't what they were now. This wasn't just a petty rivalry issue. This was... what? Looking out for Sam? He got on great with Brad, it couldn't be that. And besides, why would he tell Carly about it if he _didn't_ want Sam to like Brad? Telling Carly was a surefire way to get Sam's feelings out in the open. Unless he-

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of retching behind you. You should probably turn off the stink tube.


	4. Chapter 4

You are Gibby and you have no doubt the evening will end badly.

You've gone out to look for Carly, partly because you can't deal with Spencer on your own but more because you're sure she's probably making things worse. She doesn't mean to, but whatever her intentions, trouble seems to follow her around, and you don't just mean Sam. A memory of Shannon Mitchell rises from your memory. It was a few years ago now, but you still felt the twinge of disappointment whenever she comes to mind. Yes, Carly had been trying to help, but ultimately it was a matchmaking disaster which destroyed any possibility of her being interested in you. Sure, you moved on - a week later you barely thought about her - but you were just a child then, and love was no more than a fleeting impulse. But now... well, a screw-up like that wouldn't be so easy to forget. You don't often think of Sam as having emotions in the same way as normal humans, but you're begun to appreciate that she is a teenaged girl with an interest in the opposite sex, and you know that she can take rejection badly, even if she's not interested. Your mind flashes back to her slamming you up against a locker after asking you to the Girl's Choice Dance - something you later learned was, as usual, Carly's idea. You both knew that she had no interest in you as a date, but the idea that anyone could not want to go out with her seemed too much for her to handle. She'd turned up on the evening of the dance, still trying to convince you, apparently just to show herself that she was dateable. You try not to think what she might do to Brad if he turns her down as well.

You snap out of your thoughts as the girl herself barges past you, seemingly oblivious to your presence. She has the air of someone on a mission, and you decide that getting in her way, or indeed being anywhere within her field of vision, would be a bad idea. Even so, you can't help watching as she stalks around the corner. A glance down into the main hallway suggests that she's just been in conversation with Carly, who's now backing Freddie up against the lockers. She has her back to you, but from what you can see he seems amused by something. Huh. You wonder what's happened to snap him out of his funk, before remembering why you went after Carly in the first place.  
>"Hey, hey! Uh... Spencer puked a little bit."<br>Well, 'a little bit' may be understating the mess somewhat, but you doubt that telling her the full truth of the situation would have any greater effect. As it is, she is still more focused on whatever her plans for Sam are and walks away before you can convince her to come back. Freddie mouths 'sorry' as he follows her, a somewhat defeated look flashing across his face. Ah. Apparently he's still not happy with the whole 'Sam in love' situation, but as usual his feelings for Carly are dragging him into the conspiracy. Well, there's not much else you can do now. Carly's not letting anything deter her - especially a box full of Spencer-puke - and you can hear her muttering something about buying a horse for Sam. You're not entirely sure how that's supposed to help things, but for now you've got a sensory stimulus chamber to clean out. Yeugh.

By the time the brunette returns to the experiment, you've managed to clear most of the puke away and Spencer seems to have recovered. Before too long she's unveiled another needlessly cruel idea, which you figure should at least keep her distracted for a while. Still... electrocuting Spencer seems like a step too far. Sure, she can keep telling you it's 'for science', but that doesn't mean it's- Ok, liquid soap is amazing. Spencer's gonna get shocked.

You can't help wondering how serious the effects of Carly's 'experiments' may be as Spencer babbles incoherently behind you, but you're attention is drawn away by the arrival of an annoyed Sam Puckett. You'd hoped that the fact you hadn't seen her in a while meant that the plan had worked, but from her face you suspect that it probably hasn't. Figures - where was Carly planning to find a horse at this hour anyway? Once again, you keep your ears pricked as Carly goes to talk to her, which is made easier by the fact that Sam has no concept of an inside voice.  
>"I don't love <em>Braaad<em>!"  
>Oh. Ohhhh. Once again, Carly completely misses the point, but the stress Sam puts into her words is clear enough. She doesn't love <em>Brad<em>. Not that she doesn't _love_, just that she doesn't love _Brad_. Oh, this isn't going to be good. You can hear Carly still going on obliviously about how Sam's been spending time with Freddie and Brad. With _Freddie _and Brad. You hadn't considered him, because of the history of antagonism between the pair, but it all made sense. The pieces were falling together in your mind. Sam couldn't care less about Brad (although his fudge was a different matter), but he was the perfect excuse for her to spend more time with Freddie. You wonder how Carly could miss things, but again, she's too close to see the bigger picture - Freddie too, blinded by the years of beatings and insults. You have no doubt that if it'd been you that Sam liked (thank god it wasn't though), you would have missed it as well.

Sam leaves and you can see Carly is itching to follow her again, still bent on hooking her up with Brad. You know that won't help anything, so you hone in on the blonde's departing comment.  
>"I love pie."<br>That didn't work at all, unsurprisingly. Before you can think of anything else to say, she's gone again and you're left alone with the still-babbling Spencer. Well, at least you can give him a rest from everything his sister's been putting him through. At least until she figures out what's going on with Sam, and then it's anybody's guess as to what she might do. You know she hates her friends keeping secrets from her, but on the other hand you can see that Sam's choice was probably for the best. After all, she'd never given the boy any reason to like her, and Carly was always jealous of anyone with an interest in Freddie. It was a strange kind of selfishness on Carly's part - as much as she insisted she wasn't interested in him, she never wanted him to give up on her. You guess there must be deep-seated issues behind that. You've never heard her so much as mention her mother, and for as long as you've known her you've never met her father. Hmm.

Once again, you find your thoughts interrupted as you hear Spencer collapsing behind you. Poor guy. You should probably give him some actual food now. There's nothing you can do about Sam.


	5. Chapter 5

You are Gibby, and you have your mission (should you choose to accept it).

Three largely uneventful days have passed since the lock-in, and you've hardly seen your friends since. Carly had eventually returned to where you were waiting with Spencer, pale and distracted. You had tried to find out where she'd been, but she refused to answer any questions and had quickly wrapped up the experiments with the excuse that she was 'tired'. Before you knew it, she'd vanished again, and neither you nor Spencer had been able to find her for the rest of the evening. Oddly, Sam and Freddie both seemed to be conspicuously absent as well, and the only person you had located was Brad, who was still waiting patiently with the MoodFace project. You'd spent the rest of the evening with him, sharing fudge and swapping stories until the school doors reopened the next morning.

Now you've decided that it's been long enough. Sure, you told yourself you'd let the situation resolve itself, but that was before you really understood the extent of the situation. Sam Puckett, berserker for hire, demon in a half-shell... no, wait, you've got things a bit mixed up there. Try again.  
>Sam Puckett, tomboy extraordinaire, terror of nerds worldwide, was in love with Freddie. Well, probably, you were still working on something of a hunch, but if it wasn't Brad... Still, four years of adversity weren't just going to vanish overnight, so you know <em>something <em>must have happened. Your mind flashes briefly to the grassy bank outside the school. About the right size to hide Freddie's body... This situation definitely needs something to keep it getting out of hand, and as far as you know, that means it needs Gibby.

As you reach Carly's floor in Bushwell Plaza, you hear her raised voice coming through her door.  
>"Troubled Waters Mental Hospital?"<br>Oh boy, what you wouldn't give to go somewhere like that. You've always had a fascination with the mentally unstable, possibly because your mother spent so many years convinced you were one of them, but you'd never quite found the time to meet any of them. It's not like you can just stroll into a hospital and say "I'm here to meet a crazy guy" - you already tried that a couple of times and you got yourself thrown out for your trouble. Of course there are some real nuts around, and you don't fancy bumping into them, because then who _knows _what might happen - that Nora chick, for example, was definately a few rings short of a donut, as you'd found out the hard way. On the other hand, that whole incident _had _propelled you to a better role on the show, so maybe it wasn't such a bad thing...

You stroll into Carly's apartment through the ever-unlocked door and announce yourself with a casual "Gibbaay", alerting Carly and Freddie (you should have guessed he'd be there) to your presence. Strangely, Sam doesn't seem to be around, but you're sure there's a good reason for that. Well... hold on, mental hospital? Your eyes flash to the map on Carly's computer screen. Why are they looking up mental hospitals? Sure, Sam's been acting strangely, but that doesn't mean she's... best not to jump to conclusions. You know that if you can just talk rationally with Carly and Freddie about this, then everything-

Freddie looks at you almost with... you're not sure what to call it, but it's not a pleasant look. Still, given that he _hasn't_ been struck by Hurricane Sam, you're gonna let this one slide. Speaking of Sam, though, what happened to her? You know she hadn't gone back to see Brad during the lock-in, so had she... She couldn't have said anything to Freddie, right? There was no way she'd actually told him. That wasn't the Sam Puckett way. The Sam Puckett way tended to consist of denial, violence, comfort eating and further violence. But this... well, Freddie showed no sign of injury, and as far as you know she hasn't hurt anyone else over the past week. But still, there is no way she would have actually _told _him. She wouldn't let him have something like that on her. No way.

On the other hand, _something_ must have happened that night, Carly's reaction had told you that much. And if- Where the hell is Sam? You've hardly ever seen Carly and Freddie together without Sam being there as well, even though she does live across town from them. The lack of half-eaten food assures you that she hasn't been in for a while, so where is she? Is she avoiding her friends?  
>"We're going to a mental hospital."<br>Carly's words cut through your musings. Did she just say what you think she did? Not what you'd expect Carly to suggest, though, or something Spencer would usually approve of. On the other hand, it's your dream come true, so who are you to complain? Problem solving can wait - Gibby's going on a field trip.  
>"YES!"<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

You are the Gibster, and you are totally up to date on what's been happening. Well, except for the whole issue with Spencer's pants, you thought it best not to go there.

So... she did it. Sam _kissed _Freddie. Of course, there's a part of you that's now dancing topless on the beach amongst a bunch of models, because hey, you figured it out before anyone else did, and an achievement like that calls for a Gibby Dance of epic proportions. On the other hand, judging by the way everyone's reacting, it would have been better if she hadn't. Freddie's been distracted most of the way to the hospital, and you can't imagine what must be going through his mind after four years of abrasive behaviour (although the faces he pulls when he thinks no-one's looking tell you he's probably reliving the kiss). Carly, for her part, has been more talkative, but once she'd explained the events of the lock-in she'd lapsed into silence as well and remained unreadable, leaving you to carry a one-sided conversation with the two of them. You're almost relieved to find yourself at the hospital, because it seems to rouse Carly and Freddie from their thoughts.

You leave them to deal with the admin, largely because Carly is convinced that you'll be committed if the staff get a chance to talk to you, and you instead take a chance to look around the room. Disappointingly, there don't seem to be many interesting people around - instead, there seems to be a mix of the worryingly far gone and the dangerously insane. Huh. You wonder if this trip had been a waste of time... well, ok, helping Sam would be a good thing too, but that's not really your area. You're more of a funny guy than a... talking-to-Sam guy. You've built your whole life philosophy around not talking to Sam, and you're pretty sure she has a similar policy regarding you. Still, you should probably-

Your attention is diverted by a door opening to reveal a strangely familiar looking man. Then, of course, you notice that the door is marked 'Janitor', although you're pretty sure he's not a janitor, and now he's thrusting out his chest in a frighteningly sexual way. O...kay. Best to ignore him, then. This proves to be harder than you'd thought, though, as the man has locked onto you and before you know it he's right behind you. Right, you've dealt with crazy guys before, you can deal with this guy. You think quickly and come up with the wittiest one-liner you can.  
>"Will you quit staring at me?"<br>Somehow your cutting dismissal fails to hit the mark and you're bombarded with some kind of sciencey talk (what do you know, you're not into that stuff), so you hit him again with a "Sorry, I don't roll that way", which seems to ward him off. Either that, or the hurried approach of your two friends from the front desk made him reconsider his position. Either way, he's gone, and you're confident he won't be bothering you again. For now, your services as a Gibby have been requested. Carly and Freddie need a distraction, and you know that with your vast array of topical quips and philosophical observations, you're more than a match for some receptionist. The important thing is to catch her interest with your opening gambit. It's a subtle art form: act casual, gentle swing of the arms to reassure anyone watching, eyes on the prize... you know what, screw it, it'd be much easier just to tackle her to the floor.

* * *

><p>Before too long you're clear of the nurse and it seems that Carly and Freddie managed to sneak off to wherever Sam was, so your job is done. All that you can do now is look around to find a good balance between 'mentally unstable' and 'normal' to talk with until your friends get back. Well, let's take a look- Oh dear, crazy science man is back and he's grabbing you.<br>"I must get back!"  
>Despite yourself, you're intrigued, so you decide to indulge his fantasy and find out more. Of course, you know he's not right in the head, so you can't take anything he says at face value, but it'd still be- The future? The future is always fun. And it's not entirely impossible, what with all the advances in technology made over the past few decades... Still, you can't fall for a 'I'm from the future' scam like this again. Twice is already too many times to be fooled. After all, 'fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I'm left abandoned in the middle of Utah with no pants'. Well, this guy thinks he can prove his claims, so you may as well give him a shot. You're sure not all time travellers are trying to trick you.<br>"About twenty seconds from now, I grab your nose and twist it."  
>Oh. Well, if that's all the evidence he has then there's no way you're going to believe him. He may think he's convinced you, but you know that the chances of him <em>knowing<em> that would happen are just too low to even _consider_ beli-  
>NO. FREAKING. WAY!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

You're Gibby the Gib Gibson, and you're jealous of people with more versatile names than yours. Seriously, you're running out of things to do with it here.

You've been passing the time by talking with Caleb, who's helpfully forewarned you of what the next seventy years will hold for America and, more usefully, for you. You haven't heard anything from Sam or Freddie, but Carly came back after about fifteen minutes and muttered something about them "talking it out". Knowing Sam, you're sure there's more physical action than a usual 'talk', but given her recent personality flip you're not sure it'll be her usual fare. You can't help wincing as you imagine her kissing Freddie. Biting his neck like a vampire, maybe, but kissing? On the lips? You still can't fit Sam into that image. Your mind flashes back to the time that Carly and Freddie were dating. That picture seemed to work, but of course that was between two actual... people.

You get drawn back into the conversation as Caleb comes up with another fact. It's hard to imagine a world without California, especially after you visited it only a few weeks ago. Now you think about it, it's lucky it'd still be available for the next thirty years, otherwise the trip could have ended very differently. Of course, Steven's whole 'two states, two girlfriends' shtick would have been a lot less effective if he'd had to spend half his time underwater. Although since Hollywood Arts would be a school for mermaids instead, it would have made the whole episode much more... _fun_...  
>"He's not from the future!"<br>Carly's angry interjection takes you by surprise - not least because he obviously _is_. It's not like he could just _make up_ so many facts, and since they hadn't happened yet, _by definition_, he must be telling the truth. Eris quod sum. You're not sure what that phrase actually means, but you've heard Freddie use it and you're pretty sure it's the right one for the moment. The fact that this is the first thing Carly's said in over ten minutes also strikes you as odd. You assumed she'd just been soaking up information as you had been, but clearly she didn't think much of Caleb's lecture, so... what _had_she been thinking about?

...Well, you've never been good at reading other people's minds. You quickly come back with a witty response to Carly's objection ("Is!") before Caleb admonishes you for cheeking "the future Vice President of the United States". This seems to win Carly over, and you can't resist poking her playfully in the stomach. And she doesn't seem to mind. Before you can take things further, Sam appears to drag Carly away (trust her to ruin things) and try to make her escape. But of course mental hospitals have the best security (better than most prisons you've checked out), and before long she's being dragged back to her room, while Carly and Freddie are kicked out.

As you watch your friends being escorted from the hospital, you gradually realise that once again, they've forgotten about you and left you behind. It takes you a few more minutes to realise that you've been abandoned in a mental institution, at which point you beat a hasty retreat before you find yourself locked in.

* * *

><p>A day later and once again, you're back at Troubled Waters, this time accompanied by Spencer. Spencer in the guise of Pam Puckett, that is, and frankly you're jealous that he always gets to do the mom disguises. Just once, you'd like the chance to... Never mind. You decide to wait outside as Spencer tries to trick the nurses into releasing Sam, claiming that you're "guarding the car". You're not entirely sure <em>why<em>you want to stay outside, but after you left the previous day you found yourself haunted by the memory of some of the patients there. Not that you're scared, just... creeped out a little. And besides, you doubt Sam'd appreciate your presence anyway: she's always treated you as a backup Freddie, someone to beat when he's not around. With a twinge of fear you realise that Freddie has somewhat outgrown the position of Actual Freddie thanks to Sam's feelings for him. Chiz. There is always the chance that Sam will just lay off the violence entirely, but... well, it's less a hobby than a primal urge for her. You don't mean it as an insult, of course - you've learnt not to insult her when she's in earshot - but just as a fact of her being. Her chizzy, screwed-up, demented, hungry being.

A part of you is hoping that someone will see through Spencer's disguise. Not because you don't like having Sam around - she may be a sadist bully with no sense of compassion and a vendetta against anyone with a brain, but still, she is... um. She is... quite... Well, there are always the gaps between the bullying. If there's one thing she's got going for her, it's that she's physically unable to torment everyone 24/7. So far. You're sure she must have _some_other redeeming qualities, because Carly and Freddie like her, and you don't want to think that they're deluded. Then again, Carly is never a victim of Sam's abuse, and Freddie had always stuck around for Carly. Or at least, you'd thought he had, but your perception of what is had been turned upside down ever since The Kiss. Anything which demanded capitalisation on the word 'the' tended to have that effect on a person's world view.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later, and you're sitting on a toilet in a mental institution with a PearPad propped up against the door broadcasting iCarly from two rooms away, waiting for your cue to identify the flavour of sushi with your butt. It's good that everything's back to normal. Or at least, you'd thought it was until Carly brought up the whole 'Seddie' issue on the webshow, since apparently Freddie and Sam had failed to resolve it in the confines of a padded cell (or at least, you assume Sam was in a padded cell. You can't imagine that a regular wall would hold her for very long). Within a few minutes, your world takes another turn as Freddie kisses Sam live on the internet and you finally get an idea of what a Seddie kiss would look like. And maybe the whole thing will be a change for the better. After all, both parties have expressed a definite interest in the other, which experience tells you is a huge bonus to a relationship, and if Freddie and Sam spend more time together, Carly's gonna need someone to hang out with... Yeah. Maybe this time, things'll work out. Of course, it's Sam, and nothing is ever simple when Sam's involved. But maybe that'll make it work. Nobody wants a simple relationship, people want excitement, unpredictability, and no matter how uncaring and cruel she can be, it's exactly what Sam <em>is<em>. Sure, things have changed over the last few days: Brad joined the webshow (although you're not sure if he's quit, since he hadn't turned up today); Sam has been nicer, if only toward Freddie; Freddie has devoted more time to helping Sam than you've ever known him to before; Carly's finally accepted someone as Freddie's girlfriend; hell, even Spencer's changed, what with his book club. But no matter how much things change, there are some things, the core elements of the group, which never will.

The fact that you've been left behind at a mental hospital again is just one of them.


End file.
